Honouring Ourselves

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Connie Pretula

Connie Pretula is an inspiring health coach and Menopause Navigator to mature women, using a holistic approach to nutrition and life.

July 13, 2020

I might be wrong, although I think most of us are looking or searching for a deep connection with a special someone, or looking for that within ourselves.

I believe most everyone has a good heart and when we meet someone who we are attracted to or someone we want to spend time with, I believe both people enter with hope that this may be “the one”.

I don’t believe anyone enters a relationship whether it be for love or purely friendship, enters it with ill intentions.

I know my past partners never intended to make me feel bad or control me mentally or emotionally, not intentionally at least.

I think where issues start to arise is when our love or what we are capable of giving does not match.

What do I mean? The love I need right now may not match the love the other person is able to give. On the same side, the love the other person needs may not be the love I am able to give, we are in different places emotionally.

When the relationship ends we are sad, angry, heartbroken, devastated, shellshocked, choose the term you identify with. 

It can take time to step back and really look at the situation with a completely open heart.

I’m sharing this because today I had an acupuncture treatment. Acupuncture can open pathways to release old emotions, and I sat in my car after the treatment trying to bring forward energy to drive. Suddenly, I started to cry. I wanted to release the emotion right there, unfortunately I still had to drive 20 minutes to get home and I had one more errand I really needed to do.

I told myself to hold on, and promised myself I would allow the emotions to come out shortly. I spent too many years stuffing my emotions away and keeping them inside of me.

As I drove to my next errand there were still a few tears, and I talked to myself, as I often do when I’m alone, talking to myself to starts to bring the feelings forward in an audible way.

Once my errand was complete, the tears started, and the emotion became stronger, and soon I was sobbing.

I started to talk to myself again, this time saying “I did nothing wrong except love”, and unfortunately I wasn’t loving my partners the way they needed to be loved. They probably felt the same frustration and similar emotions that I felt because they weren’t loving me the way I needed to be loved.

Hearing myself say, “I did nothing wrong and they did nothing wrong, each of us were seeking a different love than what we were capable of giving at the time”, those words were very healing.

Even though I can easily talk to my previous partners, there were still questions inside of me I needed answered and not by them. Just because two people come together and they are both really good people, doesn’t mean they are both in the right place emotionally to have an amazing long lasting relationship.

It’s unfortunate when we can’t forgive ourselves or the other person for moving on and finding what we each needed. It’s the best thing each person could have done, yet we sometimes hold such pain and anger or animosity. I am not a mean or insensitive person for leaving a relationship. When relationship goals are different we need to be honest with ourselves and move on, otherwise we get to a place of being frustrated and hating each other and that serves no one.

Those feelings take a lot of energy and cause pain, illness or disease in our body. The best thing we can do is release them with love and compassion. When we are willing to do the hard work and own our insecurities, notice our triggers, value our worth and what we have to give, then we can change our story and who we attract or let into our life.

I remember watching a recording of Kris Carr being interviewed by Mastin Kipp and she said something that really stayed with me. She said whenever she is feeling anxiety or really sad or alone, she says to her self, “I’m right here Kris, I’m right here and I am not leaving you, I will not abandon you, I love you”.

After releasing the emotion of past relationships and friendships that ended because what we were giving didn’t match what the other person needed, I said out loud to myself, “I’m right here Connie and I’m not going anywhere and I love you. You and I sill have a lot of amazing adventures to experience. The love I am looking for is inside of me and the man I am looking for is out there.”

Over the last year intuitively I have been able to recognize a mismatch of what I’m able to give compared to what the other person needs. What I haven’t recognized was the old emotions I was still carrying from my past. I have also been focusing on giving myself the love I need, being kind to myself, taking complete Connie days to do whatever I feel is best for me.

Some may read this and say, ya, I know all this, awesome! I’m hoping it may help those who haven’t allowed the old emotions to be released and reassure themselves that no matter what, they are there for themselves and value what they have to bring to the world and to others. Facing our past and feeling the pain is worth every ounce of energy we put into it, there is a lightness to life when we do the hard work.

As they say, take what you like and leave the rest. Wishing you love and light, it’s time to put your self first xoxo

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