Boundaries (4-Minute Read)

Boundaries Are Important For Your Health Connie Pretula The Menopause Navigator
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Connie Pretula

Connie Pretula is an inspiring health coach and Menopause Navigator to mature women, using a holistic approach to nutrition and life.

August 15, 2023

How are your boundary-setting abilities? A survey conducted in October 2022 by the Thriving Center of Psychology1 showed women struggle more than men with setting boundaries.

Most of my life I was not aware of the importance of having personal boundaries. In saying that, I have always had physical boundaries.

Over the last 10 years, I have started to be more aware of needing verbal, emotional, and energetic boundaries. It’s interesting, I realized their importance once I became a solopreneur.

I’m learning when I become more firm with my boundaries, this is when people become disappointed or frustrated with me. I have lost friends, I have even been told I made them feel abandoned, and others start contacting me less.

When people change the way they interact with me, once I have established firmer boundaries, it can be easy to look internally and question myself. I do take time to reflect on previous conversations and make sure I didn’t communicate expectations I’m now not committing to. I find in many cases, expectations or assumptions have been made by the other person.

The next step or challenge is, do I reach out again and have what can be an uncomfortable conversation. Or do I let things stay as they are and see if they want to still be part of my life.

I have not mastered the uncomfortable conversations and I do tend to shy away from them. One reason I find them so difficult was because of being teased and bullied all through school. Comments made by fellow classmates hurt and I never figured out how to respond, I froze and didn’t defend myself. I still freeze in the moment, I’m working on having the courage to respond immediately.

Before text messaging and email, I would write a note or letter, sharing how I felt. Recently, I shared with a friend by email how I felt judged by her comments at times. It took a lot for me to write the email. What was unfortunate was her response, she felt an email was not an appropriate way to share what I had been feeling. For me, it was the safest way to start the conversation, for her, she no longer wanted to be friends with me. I guess the friendship was not that important to her. Her response made me realize, I would not be able to meet her expectations of me, even with the uncomfortable conversation.

The dynamic with men can be interesting. I have so much respect for men who honour my boundaries. Unfortunately, some think friends comes with benefits even though I am very clear about my intentions. I enjoy having male friends, I have two I’m very close with and refer to them as my adopted brothers. My conversations with them are very different and I appreciate their perspective.

In this world of being so connected to more people than I could have ever imagined, it can be easy to look for constant stimulation, interaction, and validation. For some, there can be a very strong fear of not being needed or being alone. I read a quote recently, it is something along the lines of “When you don’t feel loved, you make yourself feel needed”. I know I have done that in the past with friends and partners and it was due to my own insecurities. It was a clear sign of not feeling safe within myself and being alone. Establishing stronger boundaries has allowed me to get to know myself on a deeper level. I no longer need to constantly be distracted from myself, I like who I have become.

Many women, because of their maternal instincts, we are the caregivers, we want to make sure everyone is okay. We forget about making sure we are okay.

I talk about this often, women stop listening to what their body is telling them. I’ve had women tell me, I never went through perimenopause, reality is, every woman goes through perimenopause. Some women are more aware of the changes they are experiencing, and for some women, the changes are so subtle, they really don’t notice.

I believe there is another group of women who are ignoring the changes they are experiencing. Mostly because they are looking after everyone else or they are focused on their career. That was me, I had no idea the changes I was experiencing were perimenopause, and then boom, the last year before my last period, severe hot flashes, night sweats, sleepless nights, weight changes, and mood swings. It wasn’t until I was studying holistic nutrition, I then realized how my body was changing previous to the major symptoms.

I believe, helping women learn how to improve or establish boundaries is important. It is important for your self-esteem, your mental health, and your physical health. I include this guidance when working with my clients and it will be included in my Menopause Reset Course.

The investment for the premier release of 12 weeks of content plus weekly live sessions with me is $789.00 CAD.

If you are ready to start to put your self first, send me an email to be one of the initial participants. Your future self will be glad you made the investment.

Thank you for reading my words.

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